Slow Down

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be

Before your time.

Billy Joel

After a motivating Premier Designs Rally, I was telling my husband the events of the weekend.  At lunch one afternoon, the subject turned to Facebook and the games on Facebook.  I admitted that I am addicted to Farmville.  My one friend looked at me in shock, asking how I had time.  She, too, had as many obligations as me.  I told her that I have been escaping the past month or two in games, books, and movies.  To me, I have been spending too much time doing the things I enjoy, escaping from the realities of my life.

Laughing, my husband shook his head, and said "Janet, you are doing what normal people do every day.  You usually are trying to be superwoman, trying to cram too much into one day, and exhausting yourself to the point of getting sick.  How you have been the last couple of months is how you should be all the time."

Hmmm...  Maybe he's right.  As Billy Joel says, "You can't be everything you want to be before your time."  For years, I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion.  Because of my laid back attitude, many have never seen the perfectionism inside of me, but I admit, in things that I do, I am a perfectionist.  I will allow other to make mistakes, but I am very hard on myself.  I also expect more out of myself than I do of others.

A couple of years ago, I literally burnt out.  I was sick, tired all the time, couldn't think straight, ...  After that, I learned to say no to some things that were asked of me, realizing that I was getting older and my body could only do so much in a given day.  Sometimes, I knew and felt guilty for saying no to things I really thought I should do.  Yes, I did anger some people that were used to me being a "yes" person, but my family (shhh) did adjust.  I mean I'm the person who worked full time, had 3 part time businesses, managed my rental property (including all the renovations we did), sold things on ebay, and, until the last year, cleaned, cooked, and kept house like every other woman I know.  (Since my husband hasn't had much work lately, he's been doing most of the cooking and cleaning.)

The only problem was that I still did not say no to myself.  I just kept going like the Energizer Bunny until a couple of months ago when I realized that I could not stop my problems from happening - only God could.  And, when I thought about what I have done the last couple of months, it was a lot more than playing games, reading, and watching movies.  It was cleaning, showing, and renting out a grocery store; taking care of code violations, calling the architect, lawyer, contractors, and going to the violation hearing; preparing for Christmas, making gifts, and celebrating Christmas; dealing with a tenant's suit, the tenant breaking her lease, and her roommate that didn't want to move; the gas company breaking the line at the buildings and refusing to turn the gas back on without me being present when I was more than an hour away; dealing with my many money problems and receiving rents late; trying to start the New Year with a clean house; putting in orders for my 3 businesses; fixing computers on the side for extra $; and I could go on and on.

And I told her that I had been hiding from the world, escaping, and not doing anything.  (I had to type out the list for myself, so I would stop feeling guilty.  Someone should smack me over the head.  Or, better yet, give me a big hug, and tell me that 2010 is going to be a great year!!)

Oh, one side note, my DSL was really flaky the first two weeks of the year, so I couldn't really use the internet.  I couldn't play Farmville, read emails, try to write my blog, or surf for more than a minute or two without it going down, and me giving up.  So, I guess, truthfully, I can't even say that I was escaping in Farmville for the last whole two months.  And we were gone for almost a week, visiting my in-laws and going to Rally.

Now, it's 10:00 p.m., and I told myself that I was going to get ready for bed by 9:30.  Well, I still need to get two folders together for jewelry shows so I can drop them off tomorrow after work, so I better stop and say "No more, Janet.  Time to stop."

Nite, Nite, Everyone!
Aunt Janet