Blaming Others?

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.

Dr. Robert Anthony

How many times do you want to blame your situation on someone else, when, in reality, you allowed the situation to happen? Maybe you innocently put your trust in someone. Or you did not have the knowledge of how a person truly was. Perhaps, you felt that another person's inappropriate actions gave you a right to act inappropriately yourself, but you reasoned that it was all their fault.

At times, it felt like someone else was to blame. Yes, maybe their actions or words were wrong, but it's up to you whether you pick up the ball - whether you take it to heart, whether you do something to change the situation, and /or whether you let them get in the way of you changing.

It makes me think of how so many people blame their spouse, child, parent, or business partner for getting them in the financial situation they are in. They bounce checks, but you let them keep the checkbook, or you keep your name on the checkbook. You co-sign a loan, and they don't pay. You were the one that signed the loan papers, not them, and you are equally responsible for the loan. Your business collapses because your partner lets his family take things for free. You went into business with this partner, it was your decision.

I could go on and on with examples - infidelity, addiction, untrustworthiness. Yet, in all these, something drew us into the relationship, something attracted us to the person, it was our choice. When we let go of the blame game, we, alone, take control over our life. If a spouse cheats once, okay maybe it was a mistake, twice, they have a problem with commitments, they are easily bored, ... If we decide to sit on our pity pot and say it's all their fault, how is it their fault when we are the ones that tolerate the action. It becomes our issue, something that we have to learn to set boundaries with, and only we have the power to change it.

Now, there is the opposite side of the coin - when you take blame for other's mistakes. After having a long talk with my sister about the perils of going to a Catholic school, I started writing this blog with the intention of trying to figure out why I say I'm sorry for things I had no control over, and why I always try to figure out what I did wrong in a situation, but somehow, when I began to write, the other side of the coin was facing up. I guess some time in the future, I will take on the topic of how the nuns put the fear of God in us. For anyone who went to a Catholic school, you understand. For the rest, know that the nuns sometimes used threats of eternal damnation to get us to act a certain way, and it's stuck in our heads even now. (Okay - not all of them - just the mean ones.  hehe)

Money Savings Tip

Because of the mild abrasiveness and cleaning agent, toothpaste is a great stain fighter.  "Stick with standard paste, not gel, and steer clear of formulas designed for tartar control and whitening," says Siegel-Maier. "These often contain chemicals and additional abrasives that can damage items such as fine silver."

You can use it to clean:

• Acrylic accessories (such as desktop organizers): Squeeze toothpaste onto a toothbrush and work it into scratches until they diminish. Wipe residue off with a cloth.
• Chrome fixtures: To polish faucets and taps in the kitchen or bathroom, smear a dime-size amount of toothpaste onto them, then buff with a soft cloth until they shine.
• Scuffed linoleum: Reduce marks by scrubbing them with toothpaste and a dry cloth until no toothpaste residue remains.
• Piano keys: Rub each key carefully with a damp cotton swab and a dollop of toothpaste. Wipe dry and buff with a clean cloth.
• Tarnished silverware: Put a dab of toothpaste on a soft cloth, rub it onto the tarnish, then rinse with water and dry with a clean cloth.
• Steam iron: Mineral deposits can stain an iron's soleplate. Apply a dab of toothpaste and work it into the plate. Use a clean cloth to remove residue.

(I found this on a website, but failed to write down the site.  So, to whomever's site I borrowed this from, thank you and all credit goes to you.  I would site you if I could remember when this came from.)

Easy Recipe

For the gardeners that do their second planting of plants from the cabbage family, I love this salad and hope you do, too!

1 head of broccoli, chopped

1 head of cauliflower, chopped
1 red onion, diced
1 lb. uncooked bacon, cooked until crispy, or 1 pkg cooked bacon
8 oz. mozzarella cheese, shredded
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup sugar


Crumble bacon.  Mix broccoli, cauliflower, bacon, onion, and cheese together.

In separate bowl, mix mayonnaise and sugar together.  Pour over salad and mix.  Refrigerate for one hour, stir again, and serve.

Aunt Janet's Famous Sayings

Okay, I have a brain freeze and I need help.  There's a word similar to dumb or stupid that means being ignorant of the fact or lacking the knowledge to make a rational decision.  When my nieces and nephews were young and bickering (yes, they did do plenty of that), they sometimes would use this word against their sibling.  They used as if it meant stupid or dumb, and I use to always correct them with the appropriate meaning - ignorant of the fact or lacking knowledge.  I have a total brain freeze, and, even after countless phone calls to grown nieces and nephews (and my siblings), I still can't remember.  Help!

Warming up,
Aunt Janet

Way Too Much To Do

If I look at all the mass, I will never act.
If I look at the one, I will.

Mother Teresa

Ever feel like your world is spinning out of control at a million miles per hour? There is too much to do, and you are totally overwhelmed. You feel like you take one step forward, and two steps backwards. You make mistakes, and everything you touch breaks. All you feel like doing is sitting down in a dark corner, all by yourself, and crying your heart out.

This is the way I feel today. Everything is hitting me at once. I've made mistakes at work. I tried to take care of too many people, and, in haste, made mistakes. I am tired, and all I want to do is curl in a ball and cry. There is just too much to do.

Okay, how do I solve this problem? Instead of looking at the whole, as Mother Teresa teaches, look at the pieces. Instead of helping everyone today, help someone today, another person tomorrow, another the next day, and so on. Instead of tackling all tasks today, break it up.

First, I'm going to make a to do list. I won't put everything on it right now, because then I will have a panic attack. I'll just put what tasks are high priority, and have to be done immediately. I'll number them in order of importance.

So, here goes:

1. Fax survey to surveyor.
2. Fax lease and notice to attorney.
3. Write letter to attorney, and send to attorney.
4. Call new tenant regarding utilities.
5. Go to utility web sites and discontinue service in my name.
6. Figure out how much (or little) I have in my check book.
7. Pay as much as I can on gas bills.
8. Email customers regarding orders.
9. Ask God to take over, once again.

That is all I can probably handle tonight. If I can't finish everything, I'll delegate some to my husband, and add them to my on-going list. I need to rest, relax, read a book, get my mind off of my problems. Tomorrow I'll make another to-do list.

How do you handle having too much to do? I would love to hear your ideas.

Free Stuff

Kentucky Fried Chicken is giving away a 2 pieces of grilled chicken with two sides and a biscuit!!

Free White Castle BBQ Pulled Pork Slider

Easy Recipe

Italian Salad

1 pkg of salad
1 large tomato
1 medium sweet onion
1/2 lb. hard or Genoa salami
1/2 lb. Provolone cheese
1 pkg of Good Seasons Italian Dressing mix, made according to directions

Layer in order of recipe. Let salad marinate for at least 5 minutes. Serve.

Aunt Janet's Famous Sayings

I know that I've said this more than once, when everything gets chaotic and out of control: Stop the world and let me off! It helps by putting humor into the chaos.

Peace,
Aunt Janet

The Blame Game

We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - you can blame anyone but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change, you're the one who has got to change. It's as simple as that, isn't it?

Katharine Hepburn

This afternoon I ventured to the woods to take a walk, and something made me change my mind. I turned around and headed for a wooded lot my mom owns. Here I have a hosta garden, and I knew that it needed tending. As I pulled up, I noticed bikes at the edge of a path. The neighborhood kids were probably building their fort made up of scrapes they had uncovered in the neighborhood.

My family doesn't mind the kids. For boys, and some girls, what is more fun than building a fort in the middle of the woods? We do have rules that I have explained to them in the years past. No climbing trees, pick up your garbage, and keep my garden safe.

As I got out of my car, I noticed smoke. The fort window (scrap plastic) was turning brown. Fire! The kids were huddled around the fort, and were trying to put out the fire so I didn't see it. They threw bricks on it, and covered it with plastic, only causing more smoke. With all the dead wood around, I nicely scolded the kids, and told them to run for a big bucket of water. In the meantime, I removed the plastic and bricks, and tried to put out the fire with my glass of soda. It only caused more smoke.

I yelled to the kids to hurry, and they started walking back with their mother. As they approached, I told them that I wanted the lighter or matches. What I am about to describe is a mother hen defending her chicks. I explained that the kids had started a fire, and asked the children again for the lighter or matches. She started saying that this is vacant property. (What does that have to do with a fire?) I told her that my mom owned it, and we didn't mind the kids playing on the property as long as they followed the rules. She kept insisting that it's vacant, that someone from our city had told her that it was an easement. I explained it was not, and asked the kids to go get another bucket of water since the fire was still smoking.

I again told her that they had rules, like no garbage and no climbing trees, and I had explained the rules to them in the prior years. She said that her kids didn't start the fire, the other boy with them had. She also said that her daughter had picked up garbage, and she had told her not to fill up her garbage can with this garbage. The kids came back with the other bucket, and I finished extinguishing the fire.

She was protecting her children for something that they did wrong, whether they did it themselves or watched as someone else light the fire. Later, I turned it positive by asking the children to make a sign, listing all the rules. Next time they see my vehicle, we would wrap it in plastic and hang it by the entrance. The parents stood in their yard, looking at me, not knowing how to respond. The kids responded with glee, saying they would have a sign for me when I returned.

This encounter made me think. We are so quick to put the blame somewhere else, instead of taking responsibility for our own actions. How many times have we found someone else to blame for our poor or bad actions? If this person did or didn't do that or say that, we would have not responded in the negative way we had. Wrong. We are responsible for ourselves (and the children God gave us).

When I was growing up, no one let me get away with anything. If I did wrong, the teacher or friend's parent corrected me right there and then, and I got it again when my parents found out. To top it off, they thanked the one who had first corrected me. I'm not that old, but, lately, I find more and more people blaming others for their wrongdoings.

We also watch someone else do wrong, without trying to stop them. Okay, I do agree that we cannot control another's actions, but doesn't God say that we are to tell them, with love? If they chose not to listen, at least we know in our heart that we had tried. Growing up, I usually got the same punishment as my sibling because I knew what they were doing was wrong.

When you go to blame someone else, when you make excuses for your actions based on someone else, think. You alone can react the way you do - there is no one else around that can make you react a certain way. You are in control of your own actions. If someone did hurt you, turn it around into something positive.

I wonder why she didn't thank me for seeing a fire, and responding to it. With the wind and all the dried wood, her children could have been hurt. I stepped in, by chance, and stopped something tragic from happening. Who do I have to thank today for stopping me from making a mistake? Or do I get defensive, and turn it around, putting blame on someone else? Think about it.

Aunt Janet's Famous Sayings

I have told this to each one of my nieces and nephews. At first, they say "Right, Aunt Janet." Later, they are amazed at how I found something out, or how I just ended up being someplace to stop them from making a mistake. For example, my youngest nephew was amazed when I found him in a dumpster behind the Parish Hall. How in the heck did I know he was there? For some reason, I had missed my friend's driveway, and I turned around in the parking lot behind the Parish Hall, and there he was, knee deep in garbage, looking for copper. I got him out of the dumpster, and, being a good aunt, called his dad.

What do I say to them? "I have ears and eyes all over town. Whatever you do, I will eventually find out." From experience, they know that it happens.

Free Stuff

Free Sample of Carmex Chapstick
Free sample of Emergen-C® Health & Energy Water 1000
Free Sample of Always and Tampax(r) tampons and liners

Money Savings Tip

Being short on funds, this week I went through my freezer and pantry to decide what to make for dinner. I came up with enough meals to last us a week, and we only have to buy a few items. Yeah!!

What's in your freezer today? How many meals can you make without making a trip to the store? Sometimes it helps to investigate.

Think!
Aunt Janet