Monday, October 05, 2009

Blaming Others?

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
Dr. Robert Anthony

How many times do you want to blame your situation on someone else, when, in reality, you allowed the situation to happen? Maybe you innocently put your trust in someone. Or you did not have the knowledge of how a person truly was. Perhaps, you felt that another person's inappropriate actions gave you a right to act inappropriately yourself, but you reasoned that it was all their fault.

At times, it felt like someone else was to blame. Yes, maybe their actions or words were wrong, but it's up to you whether you pick up the ball - whether you take it to heart, whether you do something to change the situation, and /or whether you let them get in the way of you changing.

It makes me think of how so many people blame their spouse, child, parent, or business partner for getting them in the financial situation they are in. They bounce checks, but you let them keep the checkbook, or you keep your name on the checkbook. You co-sign a loan, and they don't pay. You were the one that signed the loan papers, not them, and you are equally responsible for the loan. Your business collapses because your partner lets his family take things for free. You went into business with this partner, it was your decision.

I could go on and on with examples - infidelity, addiction, untrustworthiness. Yet, in all these, something drew us into the relationship, something attracted us to the person, it was our choice. When we let go of the blame game, we, alone, take control over our life. If a spouse cheats once, okay maybe it was a mistake, twice, they have a problem with commitments, they are easily bored, ... If we decide to sit on our pity pot and say it's all their fault, how is it their fault when we are the ones that tolerate the action. It becomes our issue, something that we have to learn to set boundaries with, and only we have the power to change it.

Now, there is the opposite side of the coin - when you take blame for other's mistakes. After having a long talk with my sister about the perils of going to a Catholic school, I started writing this blog with the intention of trying to figure out why I say I'm sorry for things I had no control over, and why I always try to figure out what I did wrong in a situation, but somehow, when I began to write, the other side of the coin was facing up. I guess some time in the future, I will take on the topic of how the nuns put the fear of God in us. For anyone who went to a Catholic school, you understand. For the rest, know that the nuns sometimes used threats of eternal damnation to get us to act a certain way, and it's stuck in our heads even now. (Okay - not all of them - just the mean ones.  hehe)

Money Savings Tip

Because of the mild abrasiveness and cleaning agent, toothpaste is a great stain fighter.  "Stick with standard paste, not gel, and steer clear of formulas designed for tartar control and whitening," says Siegel-Maier. "These often contain chemicals and additional abrasives that can damage items such as fine silver."

You can use it to clean:
  • Acrylic accessories (such as desktop organizers): Squeeze toothpaste onto a toothbrush and work it into scratches until they diminish. Wipe residue off with a cloth.
  • Chrome fixtures: To polish faucets and taps in the kitchen or bathroom, smear a dime-size amount of toothpaste onto them, then buff with a soft cloth until they shine.
  • Scuffed linoleum: Reduce marks by scrubbing them with toothpaste and a dry cloth until no toothpaste residue remains.
  • Piano keys: Rub each key carefully with a damp cotton swab and a dollop of toothpaste. Wipe dry and buff with a clean cloth.
  • Tarnished silverware: Put a dab of toothpaste on a soft cloth, rub it onto the tarnish, then rinse with water and dry with a clean cloth.
  • Steam iron: Mineral deposits can stain an iron's soleplate. Apply a dab of toothpaste and work it into the plate. Use a clean cloth to remove residue.
(I found this on a website, but failed to write down the site.  So, to whomever's site I borrowed this from, thank you and all credit goes to you.  I would site you if I could remember when this came from.)

Easy Recipe

For the gardeners that do their second planting of plants from the cabbage family, I love this salad and hope you do, too!

1 head of broccoli, chopped
1 head of cauliflower, chopped
1 red onion, diced
1 lb. uncooked bacon, cooked until crispy, or 1 pkg cooked bacon
8 oz. mozzarella cheese, shredded
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup sugar

Crumble bacon.  Mix broccoli, cauliflower, bacon, onion, and cheese together.

In separate bowl, mix mayonnaise and sugar together.  Pour over salad and mix.  Refrigerate for one hour, stir again, and serve.

Aunt Janet's Famous Sayings

Okay, I have a brain freeze and I need help.  There's a word similar to dumb or stupid that means being ignorant of the fact or lacking the knowledge to make a rational decision.  When my nieces and nephews were young and bickering (yes, they did do plenty of that), they sometimes would use this word against their sibling.  They used as if it meant stupid or dumb, and I use to always correct them with the appropriate meaning - ignorant of the fact or lacking knowledge.  I have a total brain freeze, and, even after countless phone calls to grown nieces and nephews (and my siblings), I still can't remember.  Help!

Warming up,
Aunt Janet

1 comment:

  1. Hi aunt janet, understand what you mean about blaming others, when it is our own stupidity that got us into the mess in the first place. That was the problem with my marriage, I let it go the way it did. I did not set the boundaries early. dumb me . oh could the word be 'simpleton' haha


Pin It!