Friday, March 13, 2009

Where is the Light?

Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed,
to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.
Author Unknown

To those new to my blog – it always ends with hope, belief, & love. This is long, but read on...

Violins please...

Some days I can't see the light. Like today, darkness has settled in. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but someone moved the entrance to this long and winding tunnel. Some days I try so hard to be positive, to look up, to count my blessings, but they seem so far away. The weight of the burden is heavier than I can hold.

I've been disappointed by things not happening the way I want them to. I was given a task, I did something to help someone else, I gave of myself to people, but the weight did not lighten. I desired with all my heart to be a mother, and I've been accused of wanting a career, not understanding how hard it is to be a mother, and not having enough responsibility.

I've been betrayed by close ones. Things have been taken from me, or the time was not given to me. When I reached out, at times, it felt like no one was there. I've done something to help someone else, and, if things don't turn out the way they want it, I'm treated like I was in the wrong. I've extended a helping hand to someone in need, only to have them get mad at me for implying that they need help. And if I couldn't help, if other responsibilities held me back, or if I was just too tired, I have had people get mad at me. How come people in the wrong always justify it and blame it on the person that was not in the wrong? Why do people expect so much from others, and so little of themselves?

I've been hurt by the ones I love. I've been taken advantage of, as if I am responsible for some part of their happiness. I've had my heart broken, again and again, by the same person. I have done things to help others when I know it may not help me. I have dropped everything for a family member or friend in need. Yet, I've been told by others I'm selfish, why don't I help this person or that person, or I'm not there for them. When I didn't respond the way someone wanted me to, when I didn't agree with what they said or did, or when they expected of me to do as I have in the past, people have lashed out at me.

What started all this negativity? I owe thousands on gas bills for the apartments, I have numerous other bills that I don't have any money to pay, and I have a tenant who won't pay me rent and won't leave. I have to hire an architect to draw up plans for something I did without a permit, when, for years, I reached out for help on this issue, did not receive it, and didn't know what else to do. I was told the buildings could not sell until this is taken care of, and it may extend the closing by months. Today was a bad day.

Well, I still hope, I still believe, and I still love. I still hope that God has a great plan for me, I believe that He is there, and I love because He loves me. These tough times are just preparing me for His plan.

Why do I hope? I've seen a family member, with very little, give to me in my time of need. I've had an unexpected financial gift just because... I've had family members offer financial help with money, a job, or a meal. I am able to help others by the experience of my disappointments. I have seen people admit to their mistakes, and not repeat them. I've seen the smile of a new baby in our family. I have had a nephew or niece stop by unexpectedly just to show or tell me something. I've had my nieces sit on my bed while I cried my heart out from under the covers, not wanting to face the pain.

Why do I believe? I've been given distractions or something I didn't expect when the pain was too great. Ants, tangled hair in an earring, old friends reconnecting, a kiss from my dog, a hug from my nephew (who gives the best hugs in the whole wide world) - these things He gave me in my time of pain. I've had a sister who forgot (intentionally) that I owed her money, because she paid for my last 3 classes in college. I've seen the sun peak out after a storm, the first red tomato in my garden, and my dogs greeting me with wagging tails.

Why do I still love? I was taught to love, to turn the other check, to treat others how I would want to be treated. I still believe and have hope in others, that when searching for the truth, they will make amends, or just pass what they were given forward. I've seen many turn their lives around. I've been loved. In the midst of the chaos, God has shown himself in someway or in someone, whether it be a crocus blooming in the garden, a husband who cooked dinner and then made me eat it, or a friend who reminded me of what is good.

Why did I decide to write this? Because of a friend. Thank you to my friend who, when I cried about my woes, told me to clean my kitchen this weekend, and give thanks for every item that I cherish in this little kitchen. She is right - there is so much to be grateful for, even if it's as little as the Pampered Chef apple wedger or as big as a self-cleaning oven.

Thank you - I needed to be reminded, and you were sent for the task.

For everyone else - hope, believe, and love, because there is so much too be grateful for. (Now, I feel better.)

Money Savings Tip

Use Vinegar instead of expensive cleaners. Did you know that vinegar is great for cleaning windows and makes hardwood floors shine? Did you know that it also can be used with baking soda to unclog a drain or remove water stains from the tub? There are many different variations on recipes for these items. Here are the ones I use all the time instead of expensive cleaners. They all use white vinegar:

Glass Cleaner - 1 part vinegar to 3 parts water, and clean with newspapers.

Hardwood Floor Cleaner - Mix 1/2 cup vinegar and one gallon of warm water. Mop with wet mop, and then go back over it with well-wrung-out mop to get up the moisture. Never leave any water, or cleaner, whether store bought or homemade, standing too long on hardwood floors as it will take away the varnish.

Unclog Drains - Put 1 cup of baking soda down drain. Pour 1 cup of warm vinegar over baking soda, and let sit for 5 minutes. I have even covered the drain after adding the baking soda, but be careful doing this if you have old pipes because they might burst. After doing this, run hot water down drain.

Remove Water Stains from Tub - Spray or wipe with straight vinegar. Rinse with water, and towel dry.

What are your favorite vinegar cleaning recipes? Please post them below.

Easy Recipe

When I was growing up, I always looked forward to going to my friend's house for lunch. Her mother would make buttered noodles every time. So, for those without cholesterol problems, here is the recipe.

Mrs. Lupa's Buttered Noodles

1/2 pkg egg noodles
1/4 cup butter
Salt and pepper, to taste
Garlic powder and onion powder, if desired and to taste

Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain. Melt butter in the same pan. Stir in cooked noodles. Add salt and pepper, and seasonings, if desired. Feed to hungry children, with ketchup, if desired. I don't know why but my friend always ate them that way. Just give me the buttered noodles.

Oh, and by the way, my husband is a good cook, and writing this made me feel better.

Blessing to you,
Aunt Janet


  1. Anonymous1:26 AM

    Aunt Janet,
    Just wanted you to know that your blog was deep.I guess I havent lived as long as you, but I have learned to live day to day. Live like you are dying. I know you have alot on your plate, and its easy to get down in spirit but always remember to look at the things you do have. I know that can be hard to do also, I want so many things too, but sometimes I have to remember what I have now.You have a wonderful family that loves you, a home, and your health and above all your faith. Just remember God has a plan.You might feel like its not a good one just yet but everything happens for a reason! hope you get to feeling better! talk to you soon.

  2. To whoever wrote this comment, thanks! I needed the encouragement. I wish I knew who you were so I could thank you with a hug.


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